5 Reasons to Question Monogamy at Elephant Journal

Sketch of ClassicLet’s look at both monogamy and commitment with fresh eyes and consider five reasons to question both cultural ideas.

Let’s not oversimplify the deceit exemplified by Ashley Madison. Widespread cheating suggests sexual impulses exist beyond monogamy.

Many arguments against freer sexuality provoke fear and even persecution exemplified in slut shaming, honor killings and LGBT harassment.

The discovery of trial and error expands our choices. Discovery also exposes our mistakes.

For example, discovering what sex will not do liberates us from our imagination.

I treat lovers as friends—this word means nothing without freedom.

My friends come and go, make love with whoever they wish and speak their minds. If their pursuits separate us, their happiness is still precious. A friendship doesn’t require our desires to be always in harmony. I live in such friendships whether or not the relationship involves sex.  Read More… go to Elephant Journal

Risky Sexual Restraint

A consideration of repressed desire and how it bursts out into unsafe sexual extremes. Using real life examples and metaphor, sexual responsibility gets defined beyond the limits of tradition.

When we have been held back sexually the desire to feel more alive often (unintentionally) leads to more restraint.

Like a caged animal that bursts out with excitement and runs straight into traffic, the desire for sexual joy can go off half cocked, add the use of alcohol and the risk increases. A loss of inhibition coupled with dulled sensation tends toward extremes. When unsafe sex or crazy partners leads to real remorse or misery the idea naturally arises to go back in the cage if it seems safer. The dichotomy of either living more repressed or sexually playing with matches and gasoline creates enormous tension, but this is a black or white fallacy.

Birds stretch their wings and flutter around the nest before the vast sky becomes their playground. Humans need not abandon reason to leave the familiar nest nor do we pretend that a mature bird can’t also get caught by a cat. Let’s distinguish this from a fledgling flopping around on the ground with an excited kitty.

Those who have experiences beyond the Jekyll and Hyde world, perhaps not ideal but certainly worthwhile, are kind to share their experiences and criticisms. But remember nobody knows the outcome of human interactions. If tradition tells us anything, it’s that confidence and strong feeling in an idea doesn’t guarantee anything. What we have done before may not happen again nor can we really be assured of a particular result by imitating others.

For two decades my approach has been that there are many people that are wonderful to love. The trial and error of finding those people is like being in a wandering caravan. The precious freedom to come and go hasn’t stopped some from staying for many years.  Some change from lovers to friends or the reverse. Not everyone has the temperament for such a life but those who do make it juicy.

We don’t need to go crazy to try new things.



Slane Girl and Sex as a Weapon

The pic that launched a thousand insults

The pic that launched a thousand insults

My heart to you Slane Girl. Women are often treated badly when something wild becomes public. Look through the telescope revealing that custom isn’t the center of the universe. If you want a more juicy life, find safe and conscious participants. If on the contrary, the partners are more or less traditional-hypocrites (those words often run together) then the sex may get weapon-ized. Women are usually hit the hardest, as so many ladies have pointed out with the horrible double standard in cyber bullying.

This slane girl event demonstrates again that being sexually adventurous can be very risky for women. Men pay a terrible price for this fear. Some women who would otherwise be quite willing to dare, just to find out if something could feel wonderful, will have one eye open expecting some bullshit like internet mockery or worse. Many just give up the desire or need to get loaded to get beyond the inhibitions. Now we have wild but the sensitivity can be dulled. What a lousy trade off.

Having lived in open sexuality for two decades and also having been in a free love commune where WOMEN could be Oh so wild and respected. I say from experiences outside the madness, that this shaming repression not only FUCKING SUCKS.  It’s also unnecessary.

Pune, India - Osho Commune

Think before bypassing a safe free love environment.

Finding sexually mature independent people may not be easy but consider the alternatives, for example, some half or wholly drunk traditionalists who want pleasure but cling to prude ideas. These beliefs will arise like a cleansing penance for being “bad or dirty” sooner or later, a mild form might be a malaise of shame. The popularity of porn in the American Bible-belt exemplifies this to perfection.

I hope some sex positive women support this young lady (slane girl) as she did nothing wrong. Unfortunately, as so often happens, the sexual impulse may get the blame for an error of judgment. Granting maturity, consent and safety nobody has grounds to foist upon us any idea of how, who, or the quantity of those we should sex up.

Have some compassion for these bodies. They can be so filled with joy that they just tremble with it. I am skeptical of any who say they don’t want such delights. When we look below the surface we will likely see another face, perhaps of one who didn’t get what they wanted, or when they tried they were crushed. I incline to think that envy remains one of the chief culprits that stops the crowd from tolerating OPEN sexual ease-fulness.

Someone and moreover a female who worked at a public company would be wise to hesitate before openly saying something similar to the above.  This explains why sexually open people are not so easy to find.



If you like what you read, consider supporting it. I work for myself and what pays more bills than my writing remains brutal.

Todd Saws

Lasting Love: The Secret To Long-Term Relationships

Lasting Love: The Secret To Long-Term Relationships

The problem with illusions will always be that disillusionment follows them like a shadow. In order to keep the dream intact we must turn away from reality.

Two young friends in India go of to make their fortunes away from their small village. In the course of years one is accidentally killed. The survivor comes across a wanderer who mentions he is going to the hometown village. The remainder of the pair of friends asks the traveler to convey a message [before cell phones} to each family, tell his own family of his great success and that he will be returning with enough to give them leisure. To the family of the his friend tell them that he died.

In the course of the travel to the village the wanderer confused the names and told the family of the dead man that he had good fortune and or his return. To the clan of the living man was told of his unfortunate death. The wrong family celebrated and the wrong family grieved.

Many things can be derived from this story.

Travel by bullock cart

What people call happiness and misery can be based on untruth. Happiness and misery that rests on what is untrue is under threat from facts. What happens when the living friend comes home.”

via Writeonwater on HuffingtonPost.

Writeonwater: Let’s correct this error with a large unfounded assumption. –>


“Let’s correct this error [Rebeca] with a large unfounded assumption.–> “Sex
is a beautiful exquisite gift between two people who are married.”

It is a beautiful gift for any number of mature people who can enjoy it without harm to themselves or others. When I say harm, I do not refer to emotional uneasiness or idealistic outrage like the kind that was spewed at women for wanting the vote. I mean actual measurable harm. When the people of any number are consenting and don’t cause harm there is NO reason to avoid sex when the opportunity arises regardless of customary legal paperwork.”

via Writeonwater: Let’s correct this error with a large unfounded assumption. –>.